Destination unknown
Learning a new language, or, into other words, putting things in other words, is an unknown destination.
Today is the last day of my life.
Back in the summer of 1987, I had no idea what would happen. I was just a tiny kid. It was the last day of school, and I was going home. Home to my fake family.
Befke, the lady with whom I lived, ran towards me. She took me firmly by my hand.
- Come here. I told you to hurry up. You want trouble. Well, you’ll see. We have a surprise for you.
- What? Aren’t we going home?
- Home doesn’t exist anymore.
Even though my home was never safe, it felt familiar, and I felt big-time fear with the idea of never returning.
Out of the blue, leaving the square in front of the school in the grip of Befke, there was no way out. Should I scream? Should I bite her?
Then there was this car in front of us. It was silver or gray-colored. In the car, there were two men. It wasn’t a big car — just enough to fit us all in.
For the last few years that I lived with Befke and her husband, I was used to living in a permanent state of stress. There were only evil and unfriendly people around me.
That is why, as an adult, I decided to be as warm and kind as possible.
I was experienced enough to know that sometimes kids are killed, too. I had no choice but to enter the car and sit down. Two perfumed, well-dressed men were in the car. One of the two men was new to me. I had never seen him. The other one was the German husband of Befke’s mother.
Bad omen
One of the men I had seen before was sitting in the back, and he opened the door. Benno was the second German husband of Befke’s mom. Befke pushed me violently into the car. The two men laughed loudly.
Who was the guy in the front? I had never seen him. Both men were dressed to perfection. Befke called him Herman. He didn’t introduce himself. Benno was German. He died quite a while ago. Herman is Dutch. Benno spoke German. I better understood what he said, and I did.
This didn’t look good. I prayed, and I prayed: Oh, the universe, oh god, those who care, save my soul. I want to grow older. I want to know what else there is in this world.
I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt tense.
Unexpectedly, Herman hit me. But he missed me. I bit him. Befke loved hurting me. She also loved it when I bit her. Unconsciously, I didn’t understand that most adults are not like that. After I bit him, Befke pushed Herman away and said:
‘Wait. We don’t want to screw this up. We still have to cross the border’.
I closed my eyes and hoped they’d leave me alone. Every minute and every second are holy. I am thankful for all I have. They mainly spoke German now, all together. I listened to it.
I liked it.
It was like Dutch, but a bit different.
I could understand most of it. And that lit me up. For a moment, I didn’t feel any fear. And I wasn’t too worried about the future.
A few hours later, Befke said:
‘We made it to our new house.’
Benno screamed at me for no apparent reason. I heard them say one sentence over and over in German. I answered Benno calmly, quietly, and kindly in his language. I told him:
‘Alles in Ordnung.’
That means that all is fine.
Benno was in shock. I answered in German. He didn’t see that coming. He was impressed. After all, I was only 8.
I am not going to die. I played the game. I said nice words in Benno’s language.
I was allowed to sleep. But only for tonight. We had a long trip.
I was brought to a cellar. At least there was a bed, and I got some food.
